Ownership and Agency: The Motivational Power of Giving Your Child Choices

A feeling of powerlessness is a core component of burnout. When children feel they have no control over their packed schedules and demanding workloads, their motivation plummets. Giving children age-appropriate choices and a sense of agency over their own lives can be a powerful motivational tool and a defense against burnout.
This concept enhances the strategies proposed by clinical psychologist Meghna Kanwat. For example, when creating a balanced schedule, a parent can involve their child in the process. Instead of dictating their downtime, ask them: “How would you like to relax and recharge this afternoon?” This gives them ownership over their own well-being.
For older students, this sense of agency is even more critical. When they are involved in setting their own “realistic goals,” they are more likely to be invested in achieving them. This fosters the intrinsic motivation that is far more sustainable than motivation based on parental pressure.
Giving choices doesn’t mean a lack of boundaries. It’s about offering options within a structure that you, the parent, have established. This teaches decision-making skills and shows your child that you respect their perspective and capabilities.
By fostering this sense of ownership, parents can shift their child’s mindset from one of passive obligation to one of active engagement. A child who feels like the driver of their own life, rather than just a passenger, is far more likely to navigate challenges with energy and purpose, effectively steering clear of burnout.